3 Ways to Kick Self-Sabotage to the Curb
From the boardroom to your best friends, it's all about women empowering women. But how much do you have your own back?
You don't need a PhD in psychology to see that getting drunk the night before a potentially life-changing meeting is a classic case of self-sabotaging behavior. While it would be easy to attribute it to age, there is science behind sabotage. "People don't want to put themselves in uncomfortable and potentially dangerous situations," says consultant psychologist Dr. Sarah Crawford.
Part of the problem is that, at a neurological level, we can't separate the fear of life and death from the fear of meeting a future boss. The brain's emotion processor, the amygdala, responds to fear by sending a distress signal to the hypothalamus, the brain's command center – which then triggers the release of the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol, prompting your body to go into fight-or-flight mode mode to switch.
Your whole body is telling you to get out of the situation you are in. "Sensibly, you might understand that nothing bad can happen," explains Dr. Crawford. “But to your brain, fear is fear; it puts obstacles in your way to keep you in the known, “safe” place and away from what you fear.”
Why procrastination is a form of self-sabotage
For financial analyst Emma Richards, 30, fear manifests itself in the form of procrastination. "The longer the deadline, the more TV I watch," she says. "And then I hate myself for rushing to get done the night before. I just can't stop.”
This is a classic case of self-sabotage, explains Dr. Crawford. "Putting something off until the last minute means that if things don't go well, you can say, 'Well, I didn't try that hard anyway.' You avoid the potential pain of failure, but you end up hurting your chances of success."
By killing your odds in this way, you're also regaining control of a situation that feels too random, says Dr. Mark Winwood, Director of Psychological Services at AXAPPP Healthcare.
"When something feels overwhelming, it can be easier to control your failure than it is to face the possibility of that failure surprising you."
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Perfectionism can also contribute to self-sabotage
If for some people self-sabotage is motivated by fear of failure, for others it is fear of success; a refusal to acknowledge your own victories in the face of evidence to the contrary. Hazel Gale was 30 when she became the world kickboxing champion. "I won two world championships in one day," she recalls.
"But after that, I lay on my bed, stared at the ceiling, and felt lousy. I had been working toward this for years; the thing I trained for three times a day, six days a week. But I couldn't stop telling myself that wins don't count. Or that I didn't deserve it. Immediately afterwards I was back in the gym and trained extra hard to get a real win next time, which I actually deserved.”
Not enjoying your hard-earned successes is just self-sabotage in disguise. Let's say running a half marathon: The fear-motivated saboteur might not be training and stayed up late the night before, so they have the perfect excuse, but the perfectionist saboteur might not even sign up because they don't want to risk catching a bad time. The result is the same: you increase your chance of crossing the finish line.
"Perfectionism is much more prevalent these days, fueled by social media and the pressure to 'live your best life,'" says Chloe Brotheridge, author of The Anxiety Solution.
It makes sense. Embrace the message that you can do anything you set your mind to do often enough—whether it be reaching the top rung of your ladder, owning a home, or being in the “perfect” relationship—and the goal posts begin to soon feel unreachable.
"A recent study found that 'society-mandated perfectionism' has increased by 33% since 1989," she adds. “A culture that encourages competition could be partly to blame. Women arguably find social connection more important and therefore more likely to care about what other people think.”
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How to deal with self-sabotage in your own life
1. Recognize your monster
Regardless of why you are self-sabotaging, you need to recognize the signs – because negativity breeds negativity. dr Crawford recommends keeping a journal to identify self-destructive thoughts. "Do it every day for a month and then look back to see if you can spot any patterns," she suggests. "Once you locate them, you can start overcoming them."
2. Rehearsals
"Rehearsing intellectually how you want things to be, whether that means being super productive or saying yes to a challenge, will help you put those plans into action," Brotheridge says. Doing the same thing repeatedly creates a neural pathway in the brain; To break this habit, you need to create new avenues. input, visualization. "Just a few minutes to visualize a new behavior each day can do wonders," she says.
3. Help yourself
There is no point in visualizing a behavior and not doing it. If you feel like getting drunk to calm your nerves, try breathing exercises or an herbal tea. "Self-sabotage can be difficult to overcome because the causes can be deeply rooted in our core beliefs about ourselves," says Dr. Crawford. "CBT can help you identify negative patterns and strategize to break them."
The article 3 Ways to Nix Self Sabotage in 2022 – For A Happier, More Successful Year was originally published on the Women's Health UK website.
READ MORE ON: Anxiety Mental health Mental well-being Perfectionism Self-sabotage
