“I'll be happier when I lose weight” is a recipe for repentance. Here is the counter-intuitive solution.

"I'll be happy if I fit into my old Levi's."

(They made your bum look really good.)

Have you said something like this before?

Or how about:

"I'm happy when I make a six-figure income."

"I will be happy when my child gets to a good college."

"I will be happy when I meet my person."

The truth is, most of us have beliefs like this floating around in our psyche.

If you're a coach, you've probably seen this too:

Customers who believe that they will only be happy when they reach a certain weight, a certain body fat percentage or an athletic performance.

"Enjoy the trip? Pfft. It's about the goal," they say.

Of course, some eagerness to cross the finish line is normal and perfectly fine.

And hey, having goals is great.

Goals give you meaning and direction, and encourage you to grow beyond your previous abilities into a smarter, better version of yourself. Additionally, research shows that goal setting is a sign of trust, commitment, autonomy, and motivation.1,2

The problem is, some people keep delaying their happiness because they think a better life is always on the horizon.

But in this article we're going to discuss this counterintuitive fact:

Achieving a goal doesn't always make you happy.

If you focus too much on the outcome of your goals, you may be missing out on the potential for happiness NOW.

If you think this could be you (or a customer), check out this quick three-step process below.

This quick exercise will benefit anyone who feels:

• As if their lives were on hold until they reached their destination
• As if their goal is to make them unhappy
• Concerned that their goal may not be sustainable or even possible

Sound familiar? Continue reading.

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Enjoy your goals (and your life) more in 3 steps.

These steps are a mix of “thinking” work – to create awareness of your beliefs and behaviors – and “working”. (Tip: It's doing what actually changes these limiting beliefs and behaviors.)

Thinking-brain and doing-body, activate!

Step 1: Find out what your beliefs are about "I am happy when …".

Grab a piece of paper and brainstorm all of your "I'm happy when …" beliefs.

You may have many.

For example:

"I am happy when …

• … I have visible abdominal muscles. "
• … I'm moving into a bigger house. "
• … I'll be in the top 5 at my next triathlon. "

Everything goes.

Once you've done a proper brain dump, pick one from the list to focus on – preferably the one that feels most important and urgent.

Step 2: discover how you held back.

Now it's time to do a little digging.

Consider:

What are all the things that you are waiting or feeling to get to your goal?

These are not just the things you look forward to, but also things that you don't "allow yourself" to do yet.

For example, "As soon as I'm 20 pounds lighter, I'll …

• … let me wear the clothes I like. "
• … start dating again. "

Or: "As soon as I reach six digits, I will …

• … feel like a success. "
• … start taking weekends off. "

Or: "As soon as I meet my soulmate, I will …

• … finally be self-confident. "
• … take a Mediterranean cruise. "

Chances are that you will come across a number of things – some trivial and some very meaningful – that you will not allow yourself to experience. Probably because of a belief that you don't deserve to do or feel these things until you are "better".

Well, we have a surprise for you …

Step 3: stop waiting and live.

Once you find yourself holding back from feeling good about yourself and doing all these cool, meaningful things, it can explain why you were so impatient just to get there.

It can also explain why you might not have enjoyed achieving your goal.

Somewhere inside you is a part of you that believes that your life cannot really begin until you have reached your goal. And that “good things only happen” to you when you are leaner, faster, stronger or more successful.

This may be an uncomfortable finding. Uncovering this belief can make you feel sad, relieved, angry, or any combination of emotions.

You may want to take some time to unpack these feelings. However, nothing creates more significant change than action.

So choose the easiest, lowest hanging next tangible step to begin living and feeling the way you want.

For example:

• Create a dating profile with pictures of who you look right now.
• Buy shorts, muscle tank, sundress, or whatever you've always wanted to wear – your size – and wear it proudly.
• Think about how successful you are already: are you excited to show up for work? That is success!
• Stand up straight and say nice things to yourself about your worth as a person.
• Book a solo fun weekend getaway for yourself. (It's not a Mediterranean cruise, but it's a start.)

Bottom line: allow yourself to feel and do the things that you would do if you had achieved your goal, even if you have not yet achieved it.

This can feel uncomfortable. But with practice you will find …

Happiness is not the effect of achieving goals. It is the cause.

Once you stop holding back, you may find that your goal is less important. (Maybe your luck doesn't depend on fitting in those jeans after all.)

Or maybe the goal is still important but you enjoy the steps you need to take to better achieve that goal as you are no longer putting your life on hold.

Anyway, you will likely find that whether or not you accomplished your goal, you begin to behave, live, and feel like the kind of person who would accomplish it.

Because even though it feels good to achieve a goal, people usually don't want the result of the goal, but rather want to become the kind of person who will achieve that result.

You can't just lift X-weight. You are a fit person.

Your kid didn't just make it into one Ivy League. You are a good parent.

They don't just make six digits. You are a smart and capable professional.

You didn't just win the race. You are a winner.

This is the secret of why the above process works. Because no matter whether you made it to your personal finish line or not, your identity will begin to shift towards the person you always wanted to be.

Why?

You do the things that type of person would do.

The best part?

You don't wait any longer.

You just live

References

Click here to view the resources referenced in this article.

If you are or would like to become a trainer …

Learning how to coach clients, patients, friends, or family members through healthy eating and lifestyle changes – in ways that are tailored to their unique bodies, preferences, and circumstances – is both an art and a science.

If you want to learn more about both, consider the Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification.