Invisible Stressors: Are They Sucking Life From Your Health?

Your roof isn't leaking, your thyroid is fine, and you've never been chased by a hungry tiger.

Why are you so exhausted, cranky and foggy ?!

We would like to introduce you to invisible stress.

You are probably familiar with visible stress. This is the stuff that most of us find obviously stressful – trying to comfort a crying baby at 3:30 am or giving a presentation to people who get paid to criticize your work.

Invisible stress, on the other hand, does its dirty work quietly under your consciousness.

However, when enough of these silent stressors add up, you can feel like you've just crawled out of the lion enclosure at the zoo.

Worse, you ask yourself, “Why do I feel so bad? What's wrong with me Nothing dramatic happened! "

In this article, we're going to uncover five hidden stressors that can affect your health and wellbeing.

Even better, we'll show you how to relax so that you can return to your life with more energy, wisdom, and resilience.

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Stressor # 1: Information overload & filter failure

Technology has brought us many great things – including ending couples fighting over the need to ask directions.

A double-edged technological gift: an abundance of information.

Many of us have jobs that involve processing tons of electronic feed – in the form of emails, video calls, and chat messages.

In addition, we often fill our non-working time with more electronic material: social media, YouTube reaction videos, clicking this ad for shoes and falling into a black hole of online shopping.

People used to call this nerve-wracking problem information overload. But as the computer scientist and productivity scholar Cal Newport popularized, the information itself is not the problem.

The real problem is this: we don't filter out the garbage.

Without the ability to consciously choose where to direct our attention (filtering and focusing), our attention is torn away from us like leaves in the wind.

Imagine a busy emergency room with no one triaging and prioritizing. Clogged noses and sprained ankles would be just as important – and treated arbitrarily – as someone who had just been in a catastrophic car accident.

Fortunately, emergency responders learn to recognize what's most important and quickly switch to important priorities when necessary.

You can learn to do the same.

Signs that you are suffering from this stressor

Think if any of the following apply to you:

✓ You feel tired and nervous after spending time on the internet or watching the news.

✓ You're not spending as much time on your health, fitness, and life goals because you're being distracted by what's happening online or with the latest version of Netflix.

✓ You always find yourself somewhere in a sea of ​​information and don't know how you got there.

✓ The thought of a digital vacation feels scary – but maybe a little liberating.

✓ You have difficulty knowing where to put your attention because everything is trying to grab it.

✓ It all feels like … too much.

So relax

A focus filter enables you to consciously and specifically choose where you want to direct your attention.

To create one, you should first think about who you are (aka your identity) and what is important to you (aka your values).

Perhaps you are a family person who values ​​spending time with your children.

Or maybe you're a fitness enthusiast who cares deeply about breaking a sweat in the great outdoors.

There are no right or wrong answers here. It's not about what your parents want for you or what you think society wants for you.

Rather, it is about what YOU want for YOU.

Check out our Identity, Values, and Goals chart for help.

And yes, that's hard work. If you feel lost trying to identify your values, this is a cool way to find out. Ask yourself:

What makes you angry

Anger can be a sign that your values ​​have been violated. Some examples are given in the following table.

I got angry when …	So _________ is important to me
Somebody lied to me	honesty
I got ripped off	Justice
My boss asked me to work late and miss my son's game	family
Someone was rude to me	courtesy

When you know your identity and values, take an honest look at where you spend your time and energy.

Do you devote enough time and energy to what is important to you?

Warning: your time, energy, and attention will always be limited.

If you say “yes” to what you value, you probably have to say “no” to something else.

Stressor # 2: Toxic positivity

Do you remember the self-improvement gurus from the 90s and later who advised us to "think positively" when faced with stress?

Whether you just struck your toe or lost your entire family to an avalanche, the advice was the same: “You may find a silver lining! Just stay positive! Everything happens for a reason!"

However, we now know that artificial positivity can be counterproductive – even harmful: if it's not authentic, positivity can actually increase the stress we experience.1,2

Also, it can prevent us from seeing problems, which prevents us from solving them.

Signs that you are suffering from this stressor

Positive thinking isn't all bad.

Take the beliefs you can deal with and learn from the many complications that life brings in your way. This can help you feel able, resourceful, and strong, and lead to growth.

However, toxic positivity usually leads to stagnation.

You do not master challenges with courage and vulnerability. Rather, stick to “Everything is okay! I don't have to deal with this because it's not a problem! I swear!"

Other signs that toxic positivity is keeping you stunted:

✓ You do not allow yourself to experience or discuss difficult emotions such as anger or sadness.

✓ Repressed negative emotions seem to have leaked through in other ways: muscle tension, disappearing wine bottles, disproportionate outbursts of anger when you don't find your key.

✓ You feel guilty or ashamed when you experience a negative emotion such as frustration or sadness. ("I have no right to feel that. My life is fine and so many other people are suffering.")

✓ You feel uncomfortable when people around you are suffering, so say things like “just look on the positive side”.

✓ You have created a million gratitude journals without success and immediately hated them.

So relax

Pay attention to your full spectrum of emotions – especially the unpleasant ones that you wish you didn't have to experience.

If you notice a negative emotion, give it a name. This can be as simple as (out loud or inwardly): "I'm angry" or "I'm so lonely right now".

Notice how this feeling lives in your body. Are you feeling restless? Is Your Jaw Firm? Face hot? Tears in the eyes?

Be curious. Is there something important or valuable that the emotion is trying to tell you? If the emotion had a voice what would it say? Be honest with yourself, at least in your own head.

See if you can embrace the feeling, or at least feel it a little softer, as a necessary and normal life experience that is neither good nor bad.

Stressor # 3: Your neighbor's leaf blower

Lawn tools, car alarm systems, barking dogs and other noisy hustle and bustle are more than just annoying.

They can trigger a body-wide stress response.

To survive, we evolved to perceive, interpret, and respond to the cacophony of the world's sensory information.

Based on the sounds around us, your body will perk you up (e.g., to the sounds of a baby crying), make you act (to respond to a loud car horn), or just do nothing (interpret the constant hum of the air) in conditioner as NBD).

We are well equipped to process many of these sensory stimuli.

However, when this information overwhelms our ability to process it, it becomes a stress factor.

This is especially true if that sound gets loud as you try to finish the task your boss popped into your inbox this morning.

Or listen to the lecture that you know will be covered in the exam.

Or, hell, just relax and have some rest.

Signs that you are suffering from this stressor

Some sounds are stressful almost everywhere. Think: the weird teenage punk rock band practicing in a neighbor's garage.

If the sound continues long or enough, you will begin to notice symptoms of stress.

Some of us are unusually sensitive to sensory input.

We feel uncomfortable in situations that others do not bother us – for example in a crowded restaurant with a lot of competing conversations. When others around us don't understand or feel the same thing, the stress increases.

You may be unusually sensitive to sensory input if you …

✓ Feeling over-stimulated and / or uncomfortable in environments that other people find relaxing or neutral (restaurants, doctors' waiting rooms)

✓ Avoid certain environments (such as airports and shopping malls) because you fear that you will not be able to handle all the hustle and bustle

✓ Have different sensory sensitivities. For example, you reject a lot of food because of its taste or texture, or you eagerly tear off labels from clothing because the small pieces of cloth torment you

So relax

We wish we could tell you about a magical switch that turns the world off.

The truth is that some background noise is inevitable and out of our control.

But not all of them. To regain a sense of control, ask yourself two questions:

Question # 1: How could you decrease the volume of noises that trigger your stress?

Could you close the blinds during work meetings to keep your dog from barking at the postman?

Wearing noise-canceling headphones to reduce background noise in crowded environments?

Do you talk to your neighbors about consensual rest periods?

Question # 2: How could you invite more calm?

Are there ways to incorporate "quiet breaks" into your day?

Some of our customers like to stop in a park for 10 minutes before heading home after a stressful day.

Others hang out in “sensory spaces” (recreation spaces specially designed for people with sensory problems) in airports, shopping malls, and other places where these spaces are available.

Some families plan a “rest period” in which everyone can immerse themselves in their own quiet pursuits: painting, reading, listening to music with headphones or building Legos.

(Shhhh. It's the sound of a pin.)

Stressor # 4: Emotional work

Imagine you work in customer service.

All day long, you have to pretend to take care of the often small worries of your customers.

Even if people are rude or abusive, you need to use a pleasant tone and stick to the script, which in part leads to you repeating "I'm sorry" for a situation that is not remotely your fault.

Nurses, therapists, coaches, and even parents can relate to it: no matter what your day is, you are still trying to come across as caring and happy.

It's emotional work, a term coined in the 1980s by the sociologist Arlie Hochschild. It is the internal work that is required to actively manage others' feelings and control our own reaction.

And it can be as exhausting as laying bricks on a summer day in Miami.

If we ignore this emotional work and take adequate rest from it, we risk burnout.

Signs that you are suffering from this stressor

Think if any of the following apply to you:

✓ As a marginalized person at work, you feel like you have to put a smile on your face to avoid provoking colleagues who make hurtful, degrading comments.

✓ You work in a job that is about hiding your own emotions and prioritizing the emotions of the customer or client. Think of: healthcare, law, customer service, social work, and you guessed it … coaching.

✓ You feel exhausted at the end of the day because you spend most of your time appeasing moody people. (Hello, carers for young children and teenagers.)

✓ You are the one in your household who is always smoothing disheveled feathers, playing peacekeepers and trying to make sure everyone gets along – ignoring your own desire to tell your roommate to go for a hike and your parents to stop, telling you how to live your life, or your spouse to clean up his own # ^ @%! Chaos.

So relax

Consider this question:

Where do you find emotional calm?

Boundaries are a key tactic, especially if you are a very empathetic person who often takes on the problems and emotions of others.

Deciding when – and when not to invest emotionally – is a skill that most coaches (and caring people with feelings) need to work on.

Maybe you…

▶ Create Boundaries between home and work, perhaps by not checking business email during dinner or after a certain hour.

▶ Have a crucial conversation with your family declaring that you are no longer the United Nations because of power struggles.

▶ Schedule 5-minute breaks into your work day so you can hit a medicine ball against a wall, walk around the block, or stare out the window.

▶ Get additional support– For example, from an ally or therapist who understands your struggles.

The best form of emotional recovery will vary from person to person.

Experiment with options until you find the best solution.

Stress factor # 5: microaggressions

Microaggressions are small, often subtle, everyday expressions or actions that convey a hostile, derogatory, and negative attitude towards someone.

They can sound like …

To an Asian American:	"Where are you from? I mean, where are you really from?"
To a colored person:	Clutches her purse tighter.
To a same-sex couple with a child:	"So who are the real parents?"
To a person in a larger body:	"You would look so good if you just lost weight."
To a person of different sex:	"Aren't you in the wrong bathroom?"
To a person with a visible disability:	Will be ignored.

For those who have not yet experienced it, microaggressions may seem too small to matter.

Those are silly little everyday things, why complain?

But microaggressions often sting. Much. Like, "Damn it, was that a paper cut or a hot chainsaw ??"

Although subtle and sometimes unintentional, these bumps have a significant impact.

They can build up over time, wear you down, and affect how you experience the world.

And telling yourself that you are "sucking" or "shouldn't mind" can backfire, which makes the stress worse.

Signs that you are suffering from this stressor

After years of aggregated shock and shock movements, you can:

✓ Constantly prepare for impact and wait for the next shot

✓ Feel exhausted. Change can feel like another chore

✓ Be suspicious of those around you, even if they seem to have good intentions

✓ Do not trust a whole group of people or avoid certain situations

So relax

There is a ray of hope: micropower.

It involves taking small steps on your own behalf to help you resist feeling knocked down by your circumstances.

Here are some examples of how someone might discover their micro-power.

▶ Find Communities, spaces and allies who understand specific struggles – such as colleagues who “understand” it, a support group, or a therapist who understands this particular type of marginalization.

▶ Ask: “What do you mean by that?” And bring the aggressor to the point.

▶ Recognize and prioritize: Is that the fight you want to fight now?

▶ Practice aggressive self-care. Double the rest and padding. Microaggressions can have a dehydrating effect.

▶ If it is safe, call it out. Say, “This term is no longer used. Please don't address me like that. "

Or, “I'm sure you didn't mean to imply ____, but it came across as ____. Could you please _____ instead. "

(This is scary and has potential risks, so build a base of support and allies first if you can.)

▶ If you have the resources build something from your experience that benefits others.

For example, after years of stigma and discrimination, Coach Meghan Crutchley founded Habit Queer, a coaching and speaking business that uses the PN behavioral approach to empower LGBTQ + customers.

Even if the rest of the situation sucks right now, these actions will help you gain critical control and empowerment.

Micropower for trainers

If you serve clients from groups that have traditionally been marginalized or discriminated against (e.g. dealing with microaggressions.

As a coach, you would like to integrate this understanding into your own practice.

Think about how you can provide safe social support:

• Offer compassion. Try to empathize and understand your customers' hesitation, discomfort, and fear. Realize that they may be dealing with myriad social injuries that affect their perception, engagement, and wellbeing in specific spaces.
• Choose your words thoughtfully and sensitively. Small things (like well-intentioned constructive criticism) can feel like an attack when a customer's threat radar is active.
• Make the customer the boss. Microaggression can feel like it is taking our agency and legal power away. Help your customers to feel more in control and security by emphasizing their personal responsibility for their own change process. Help them find opportunities for productive micropower.

Less stress, more relaxation

When you can clearly see hidden stressors, you have a better chance of taking strengthened steps to recover from them.

Think of the balance of stress and recovery as a tank that can be filled (by recovery) and emptied (by stress) at the same time.

Use the strategies listed in this story, as well as the strategies shown in the illustration above, to achieve the following:

• Put more in the tank by kicking off recovery practices
• Slowing down or plugging the leak by reducing stress or better managing it

You will not be able to completely eliminate stressors, invisible or not. But slowing the leak down as well as filling the tank can make you feel a little more equipped for life.

If you are a health and fitness trainer …

Learning how to help clients manage stress, build resilience, and optimize sleep and recovery can be profoundly transformative – for both of you.

It helps clients loosen up and makes everything else easier – whether they want to eat better, exercise more, lose weight, or regain their health.

And for coaches: it gives you a rare skill that sets you apart as an elite change maker.

PN's brand new certification – announcement coming soon! – shows you how.

Would you like to know more?

References

Click here to view the resources referenced in this article.