How to support a loved one when you think they are suicidal

suicide talks. You are scary. And difficult. And with South Africa ranking 10th in global suicide rates, according to a World Population Review study, it’s probably a conversation you can’t (and shouldn’t) ignore. According to the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG), there are 23 known cases of suicide in South Africa every day, and for every person who commits suicide, 10 have attempted suicide.

Abdurahmaan Kenny, mental health portfolio manager at Pharma Dynamics, says knowing how to deal with and support someone who has attempted suicide is critical to their recovery. “Your loved one may be depressed or have another mental illness caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Therefore, it is important that they see a trained doctor who is able to make a correct diagnosis and prescribe the right treatment, which often involves a combination of medication and psychotherapy. Recovery (with the right help) is possible,” he says.

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“When a loved one is affected it can be traumatic as you have to support them and deal with your own feelings about the suicide attempt – anger, fear, shame and guilt. Saying and doing the right thing can be difficult.” Kenny shares the following advice on how to support a loved one during such a difficult time.

What should I say (conversation prompts):

– I’m sorry you felt so awful. I’m so glad you’re still here.
– I’m here for you. Remember you can always talk to me if you need to.
– I want to help you. Tell me what I can do to support you.

Various organisations, including Suicide Line (Australia) and the Mental Health Foundation (NZ), advise the following ways to help:

– Eliminate the means of suicide, including drugs and alcohol, as much as possible.
– Create a “safe space” where the person can speak. Let the person know you will listen.
– Try to understand the feelings and perspectives before looking for solutions together.
– Research and develop realistic plans and solutions to deal with their emotional pain/mental illness. In order for them to realize that suicide is not a solution, they need to see real changes in their lives. This requires small steps at the beginning to change their situation.
– Give your loved one the professional support they need. You might offer to go with them or help them set up appointments.
– Ask other family members and friends for help to support the person.
– Consider writing a safety plan with the person outlining the steps they need to take if they have suicidal thoughts. This will both make you feel more prepared and in control of the possibility of future suicidal thoughts.
– Support them to do the things they enjoy, stay physically active and connect with others.
– Help them restore balance in their lives, e.g. For example, reducing alcohol consumption, doing some exercise, or getting enough sleep.

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Here’s a list of things not to say, according to Suicide Line:

– Panic: “This can’t happen. I don’t know what to do – what should we do?”
– Insult: “You are a real psycho.”
– Criticism: “That was such stupidity.”
– Preaching or lecturing: “You shouldn’t have done that; you should have asked for help.”
– Ignore: “If I just pretend that didn’t happen, it will go away.”
– Leaving the person: “I can’t take this; I have to go.”
– Punishing the person: “I won’t talk to her until she gets herself right.”
– Dramatized: “That’s the worst thing you could have done!”
– Simplify or “quick fix” approach: “You only need one drug and you’ll feel better.”
– Showing anger: “I can’t believe you’re trying to do that!”
– Make the person feel guilty or selfish: “How did you think that would make me feel?” or “How could you do that to me?”

If you are concerned that a loved one may be having suicidal thoughts, or if you are having suicidal thoughts, call Pharma Dynamics’ toll-free helpline at 0800 205 026staffed by trained counselors seven days a week from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m.

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