What to do if your lack of social life is affecting your mental health
The physical and mental health threats from COVID-19 are real and well documented. However, if you just feel crazy about missing your friends, canceling pickup sporting leagues, or – damn it – your commute to work, this applies. The pandemic is affecting mental health in a variety of ways.
"The isolation that many experience is one of the most devastating things right now," said Avi Klein, LCSW, a New York-based therapist who specializes in men's mental health.
See, people are hardwired to connect, explains Paul L. Hokemeyer, PhD, LMFT, psychotherapist, and author of Fragile Power: Why having it all is never enough. “Social connectedness is critical to our survival. It enables us to adapt to challenges and evolve as a species. Without social connections, we wither physically and emotionally. "
That is also well documented. Some studies suggest that loneliness and social isolation can be twice as damaging to both your physical and mental health as obesity. It's been linked to everything from depression and sleep disorders to impaired brain function, poor heart function, and cognitive decline.
You can't just put your social life on hold until the pandemic is over. Connectedness is too important to your overall mental health, says Hokemeyer. It can boost your immune system, help you find value and purpose, and lessen your metaphorical burden. Ultimately, it gives you some ownership of your daily life in a chaotic world.
So how can you safely revive a floundering social life and improve your mental health amid a pandemic? Here are four options.
Mental health tips for the COVID-19 pandemic:
1. Socializing through exercise – in real life or online
Exercise is a proven booster for health, mood, and self-esteem – boons that certainly can't hurt at the moment. By adding a social element to your sweat (e.g. via a live peloton or mirror class) you are adding to the fitness benefits. "When you join a group of other people who are working to improve their health, you feel connected," explains Hokemeyer, who can play a role in dealing with stress, fear, anger, insecurity, and chaos.
If you long for a personal connection, go outside. It is now clear that Mother Nature minimizes the risk of COVID-19 infection. (The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommend choosing outdoor activities and places like parks or open-air venues when you go out.) A socially distant run or bike ride is a triple blow, says Klein : It helps you stay fit, fills your social quota for the day, and adjusts the bill as a lower risk activity. Wear only one mask. (These are the best for workouts.)
2. Give your time away
Volunteering is closely related to physical and mental health – so much so that some research suggests that activity should be encouraged as part of a healthy lifestyle. And while any type of volunteering could have benefits, some studies find that "other" efforts – for example, those that are humanitarian or altruistic in nature – have a greater impact on social well-being and physical health than "self-centered" "efforts (anything you do to purposely "improve"). Try something like Create the Good, AARP's database of appearances or Career Village, where you can (virtually) give away your time answering questions from children, who want to enter your field of work when they grow up.
3. Be proactive – and a little unorthodox
In a pre-pandemic world, plan your social outings in advance. Today? You have to do the same. So, put your ailments behind (video socialization, we know, can taste like fake sugar) and keep trying to connect, explains Klein. "You're leaving a 'stuck' place and taking action. Instead of feeling discouraged, you feel empowered and have more control over your life," explains Hokemeyer.
Do you miss your pickup hockey league? Start a group text thread and ask the guys if they're ready for a weekly online interactive video game meetup (try ours). Haven’t you been on a date night to … you don’t remember when? Take a few minutes each evening to ask thought-provoking questions to start a conversation: "What was the most important part of your day?" Or "What surprised you the most today?" suggests Klein. An app like Lasting (which was actually designed to complement couples therapy) can also help create a deeper connection between partners, he says.
4. Talk about how much it sucks
If you feel like the only one in the world (or in your group of friends) who is aware of the loss of your social life as you knew it, you may end up feeling even more lonely, explains Klein. The antidote: let people know how you are feeling. Write to your group thread how much you miss your real hangouts. Tell your brother that you are vacillating about not being able to actually be there for your niece's birthday. Listen to Klein: "Even if it feels risky, I guarantee that people will think the same way – and when we feel that someone is a bit like us, we feel more connected." Perhaps just speaking triggers this unorthodox meeting – or more conversations. You won't know if you don't speak.
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